If and Only If, Arlon
by n00dl3gal
Summary: Another songfic from "Avenue Q!" Written because Arlon deserves some more recognition, and because I flipping can. Don't try to think too deep into this, just go with it. Spoiler- ish. Rated T due to suggestive themes.


Yep, another songfic. I'm on a roll. I also wanted to write this because I noticed there are NO Arlon stories _whatsoever. _Dude needs some love.

Thanks to Konpeki Rei for betaing! Love you in a platonic manner, brah! *acts like skater dude, despite being a clumsy white girl*

Me no owns Kid Icarus nor Avenue Q. Me no want sue. Me only want cookie.

* * *

Arlon sat back in his chair. "Ah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, 'Broadway Musicals of the 1940s.' No angel to bother me. How can it get any better than this?"

Suddenly the door burst open. "Oh hi Arlon!"

The butler sighed. "Hi, Pit."

"Hey Arlon, you'll never guess what happened to me in the hot springs this morning," the little angel blabbered. "This Centurion was smiling at me and talking to me..."

"Hmm that's _very _interesting," Arlon said, rolling his eyes.

"Yep, he was being REAL friendly! And I- I think he was coming on to me! I think he might have thought _I_ was _gay_."

Arlon stiffened. "So why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What'd you have for lunch today?"

Pit pouted. "Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it-"

"I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!" screeched the older man. Pit cowered in fright. "Ugh, why do I care about some gay guy you met? I am trying to read," he explained, brandishing his book in the boy's face.

"I didn't mean anything by it Arlon, I just thought it's something we should be able to talk about."

"Well I do not want to talk about it, Pit, this conversation is _over_," growled Arlon.

"Yeah but Arlon-"

"OVER!"

Suddenly, music was playing over the speakers in Viridi's temple. Pit grinned. "Well, OK, but just so you know..."

Arlon did not have a good feeling about this. _Please __do __not __sing __like __you __did __when __you __met __me __in __Uprising__, _he thought.

Alas, the little angel did just that.

"_If __you __were __gay__, __that __would __be __OK_

_I __mean__, __cuz __hey__- __ha__!- __I__'__d __like __you __an__-__y__-__way__."_

Arlon groaned, but PIt continued.

"_Because __you __see__, __if __it __were __MEEEEEE_

_I __would __feel __free __to __say __that __I __was __gay__-_

_-__but __I__'__m __not __gay__!"_

"Please Pit, I am trying to read," Arlon sighed. Pit leaned over his shoulder and stared at the novel. "What?"

"_If __you __were __queer__-"_

"Ugh, Pit..."

"_I__'__d __still __be __here__-"_

"Pit, I am trying to read this book."

"_Year __after __year__-"_

"Pit!" The commander was really starting to get annoyed.

"_Because __you__'__re __dear __to __me__!"_

"Ack!"

"_And __I __know __that __you__-"_

"What?" asked Arlon against his better judgement.

"_Would __accept __me __toooooooo__!" _Pit bellowed.

"I would?" Arlon highly doubted that.

"_If __I __told __you __today__-" _Pit changed his voice to a falsetto- _"__Hey__! __Guess __what__! __I__'__m __gay__!-"_ his voice went back to normal- _"__But __I__'__m __not __gay__."_

"_I__'__m __happy __just __being __with __you__!"_

"High button shoes, Pay Joey..." Arlon rambled, not really making any sense but just calling out random things to block out Pit's crooning.

"_So __what __should __it __matter __to __me_

_What __you __do __in __bed __with __guys__!"_

Arlon blanched. "Pit, that is WRONG!"

Pit shook his head. "No it's not!"

"_If __you __were __gay__-"_

"Argh."

"_I__'__d __shout __HOORAY__!"_

"I am NOT listening!"

"_And __here __I__'__d __stay__-"_

"La la la la!" sang Arlon, covering his ears.

"_But __I __wouldn__'__t __get __in __your __way__."_

"ARGH!" screamed the man, running away from the winged minstrel.

"_You __could __count __on __me_

_To __always __be_

_Beside __you __eve__-__ry __day_

_To __tell __you __it__'__s __O__-__K_

_You __were __just __born __that __way_

_And __as __they __say__, __it__'__s __in __your __DNA_

_You__'__re __GAAAAAAAAAYY__!"_

"I AM NOT GAY!" Arlon yelled.

"If you were gay," smiled Pit.

"GAH!" And with that the butler dashed out of the room.

Pit looked around, shocked at his friend's (in his mind, at least) sudden disapperance. "Did I do something wrong?"

* * *

*rolls eyes* No, Pit, nothing at all. Hmm... maybe I should write a sequel where Arlon sings about his girlfriend who lives in Canada! What do you think? Should I? Tell me in a review or PM! Peace love and waffles!


End file.
